Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, September 24, 2010

TWO MEN DANCING……

Having completed my turn into Hills Avenue and

gazing automatically ahead towards the veterinary

surgery, which was about half way to my destination, I

saw something that made me sit bolt-upright. Outside

the entrance of the vet’s were two men dancing!

‘What?’ My tranquil eyes snapped wide open and I

looked again. Although still far away, I could definitely

make out two men dancing. They were about the same

size and holding each other in an embrace while dancing

to the tempo of an imaginary English Waltz.

‘What is happening to me?’ I looked again, this time

squinting, yet there they were, still dancing! All the time

I was getting closer and seeing them more clearly. On

and on they danced, on the spot, in front of the entrance.

But having nearly reached the two, I suddenly noticed

that they were not two men, but one man and his Great

Dane! They were holding each other the same way:

upright, hands and paws at each other’s shoulder blades,

staring into each other’s eyes with utter concentration,

but neither saying a word. The man was rather elegantly

dressed in an expensive suit and his face was almost as

red as a stop sign from embarrassment and effort.

Wondering what the problem was with the two and

slowing down almost to a halt, I suddenly perceived the

true situation. The man was trying to get the Great Dane

into the veterinary surgery but the dog didn’t want to go.

Obviously the man had tried brutal force by positioning

his dog in the doorway and trying to push him through.

The dog had, in return, reared up on his hind legs and

got a hold of his master exactly the way he, himself, was

being held. Every time the man tried to push the dog

through the glass door into the waiting room, the big dog

took evasive action. Obviously, he was smarter than his

owner because every time the man tried to push him hard

against the door, he did not push back - oh no! Instead,

he quickly side-stepped so that the man found himself in

the doorway, with the dog on the footpath side!

So he had to resume his original position again, with

the dog in front of the door and him on the road-side.

Another push against his dog was parried again with

a side-step (actually a ‘Quick-Step’, as they teach in

dancing schools) and, once more, he found himself in the

doorway instead of his dog! A step forward, side-step,

reverse position and, again, round and round they went.

If it had been a dancing competition and somebody had

played the tune of the ‘Tennessee Waltz’ they would

have won a prize, for sure! They just kept looking at each

other very seriously whilst pirouetting on the spot.

I had to drive on and was long past the two when

I glanced into the rear vision mirror and saw that they

were still dancing. And they really did look like two men

dancing! Except one of the two had his trouser bottom

rather low, with spindly, unattractive, legs sticking out!

Peter Frederick

http://www.peterfrederick.org                                     http://www.life-on-the-road.com

Saturday, March 6, 2010

OH NO - NOT ANOTHER LIMERICK!


My wife cannot cook – it is terrible,

a crime to humanity, veritable.

Smoking burnt crust

I eat with disgust,

And find this life hardly bearable.


Peter Frederick

http://www.peterfrederick.org
http://www.life-on-the-road.com


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

WE WALK TOGETHER........


We walk together side by side,

You with your swinging gait,

With eyes so blue they look at me

No words need to be said.


Together now for many years

In love and many a kiss,

When in my arms you touch me gently,

Your cheek on mine - it’s bliss!


Right now, I stop and turn to you

And you stop too and see

My open arms – you take the hint

The world may our witness be.


I feel your breath, your lovely sigh,

Your cute li’l nose and cheek

We schmooze and coo as lovers do

And love is all we seek.


You show that you belong to me,

Your love is wav’ring never;

I proudly tell the world the truth

‘This cat is mine forever!’


Peter Frederick

http://www.peterfrederick.org
http://www.life-on-the-road.com


Saturday, July 18, 2009

NOT ANOTHER LIMERICK!


My cat wants to show that she’d missed me,

Jumps into my arms to kiss me.

Two paws on my cheeks,

Of fish her breath reeks -

And then she does nothing but lick me!


PETER FREDERICK © 2007

http://www.peterfrederick.org

http://life-on-the-road.com

Saturday, July 11, 2009

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!


A writer who always uses descriptive words and carefully crafted sentences lives in his own world of creation, a fact that makes him sometimes absentminded when confronted with reality!

The result of these moments of dissipation may be funny for you, my dear reader, but I have to go on living with quacking shame for evermore!

Every time when my thoughts were on lyrical subjects whilst working in a day time job that sometimes lapsed into boring routine, I invariable found myself in a conflicting, if hilarious, situations that remain nightmare for me whenever I think of it.

For example, when inspecting a PVC flooring installation one early morning, I determined that it had a manufacturing fault and will have to be replaced, at no expense to the consumer, a young widow, who, for legal reason, needed to tell me of her wish for replacement.

Standing with her in her kitchen, with my clip board ready and pen poised, I pointed to the faulty floor, and meant to say: ‘How would you like to have this matter settled to your satisfaction?’ But because it was my first call in the morning, my brain was on a coffee break, the words came out: ‘How would you like to be satisfied?’

Noticing nothing out of order, I nodded to her encouragingly and waited for her answer.

On another occasion, I conversed with a lady architect and discussed a problem on a building site. Shrugging my shoulders I meant to say the words ‘I don’t get that!' But out it came ‘I’m not getting it!’ Seeing the lady cringe and slightly turn away made me realise my faux pas.

My dear wife, too, is not immune to wonderful bloopers which I, for a change, can laugh about! When trying to buy me a present, she meant to say to the nice shop assistant ‘If you were my man, would you wear this sweater?’ But out came her words ‘If you were a man, would you wear this?’ She noticed nothing wrong, until the salesman nodded in agreement, uttering sadly: ’I must admit, I am a bit dilapidated but I was a man once…’

I have more bloopers and hilarious situations mentioned in my two books and invite you to download sample chapters from my websites.

May I encourage you, my valued friend, to reply to me with an incredible, if slightly uncomfortable, mishap you had to endure? Just for a bit of humour in our lives!

So, please let’s stay in contact!

PETER FREDERICK

http://www.peterfrederick.org

http://www.life-on-the-road.com