NOT ANOTHER LIMERICK!

My cat wants to show that she’d missed me,

Jumps into my arms to kiss me.

Two paws on my cheeks,

Of fish her breath reeks -

And then she does nothing but lick me!

PETER FREDERICK © 2007

http://www.peterfrederick.org

http://life-on-the-road.com

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

A writer who always uses descriptive words and carefully crafted sentences lives in his own world of creation, a fact that makes him sometimes absentminded when confronted with reality!

The result of these moments of dissipation may be funny for you, my dear reader, but I have to go on living with quacking shame for evermore!

Every time when my thoughts were on lyrical subjects whilst working in a day time job that sometimes lapsed into boring routine, I invariable found myself in a conflicting, if hilarious, situations that remain nightmare for me whenever I think of it.

For example, when inspecting a PVC flooring installation one early morning, I determined that it had a manufacturing fault and will have to be replaced, at no expense to the consumer, a young widow, who, for legal reason, needed to tell me of her wish for replacement.

Standing with her in her kitchen, with my clip board ready and pen poised, I pointed to the faulty floor, and meant to say: ‘How would you like to have this matter settled to your satisfaction?’ But because it was my first call in the morning, my brain was on a coffee break, the words came out: ‘How would you like to be satisfied?’

Noticing nothing out of order, I nodded to her encouragingly and waited for her answer.

On another occasion, I conversed with a lady architect and discussed a problem on a building site. Shrugging my shoulders I meant to say the words ‘I don’t get that!' But out it came ‘I’m not getting it!’ Seeing the lady cringe and slightly turn away made me realise my faux pas.

My dear wife, too, is not immune to wonderful bloopers which I, for a change, can laugh about! When trying to buy me a present, she meant to say to the nice shop assistant ‘If you were my man, would you wear this sweater?’ But out came her words ‘If you were a man, would you wear this?’ She noticed nothing wrong, until the salesman nodded in agreement, uttering sadly: ’I must admit, I am a bit dilapidated but I was a man once…’

I have more bloopers and hilarious situations mentioned in my two books and invite you to download sample chapters from my websites.

May I encourage you, my valued friend, to reply to me with an incredible, if slightly uncomfortable, mishap you had to endure? Just for a bit of humour in our lives!

So, please let’s stay in contact!

PETER FREDERICK

http://www.peterfrederick.org

http://www.life-on-the-road.com

PRAISE WHERE IT IS DUE!

Welcome, dear Friend,

Today, I will tell you about the most important person for an author, an artist and other creators of beautiful things.

It is the expert who helps to let the world know about it. In the digital world, it is the promoter of the internet website, a search engine optimiser, an internet website designer!

There seems to be a glut of them on the net, with their enticing websites that contain powerful words and phrases. However, in the past, I have found them all wanting - until I came across my current website designer and SEO expert, who made my author’s dream come true!

Therefore I would like to mention it here in gratitude, unashamedly recommending and promoting their business activities, their talent and creativity.

Whilst I am not sure that I am helping this excellent company with my little outpourings of praise, I am totally satisfied with their expert assistance and am therefore sure of showing my gratitude the correct way!

Please let’s stay in contact!

PETER FREDERICK

http://www.peterfrederick.org

http://www.life-on-the-road.com